HYPERbole! Imagine Julie Andrews screaming, or singing, "HYPER," at the top of her perfect lungs and then beautifully singing "bole" to her lovely, Alpine, suspendered, green and red sported children. Although I don't resemble Julie Andrews, unfortunately, I use this method to teach hyperbole to my students. By exaggerating the "hyper" part of the word, it helps reminds those savvy minds that hyperbole simply means an exaggeration..such as, "I'm so hungry that I could eat a cow."
Now that you've met the hyperbole, let's roll.
Although this week didn't rank on my Letterman-like top ten list of the worst weeks in all of history, it wasn't great. Before Christmas, I told my students that whichever class earned the highest average score on a certain quiz would earn a pizza party (I teach six sections of the same class.....awesome...). Of course, the class that won is comprised of a large percentage of whiny, disrespectful miscreants who make me consider whether I really should get out of bed in the morning. On Wednesday, when we were discussing the pizza party in this particular class, they started to complain about the amount and type of pizza being bought. Just so you know, I purchased six pizzas for 20 people, with four different types making up those six. Even though it doesn't seem like a huge deal now, at the time, the fact that they were moaning about the pizza party made me seriously consider to cancel the extravaganza. This day of bemoaning, then, has inspired a post of hyperboles. So please enjoy the following list of hyperbolic behavior that I wish that I could do to my students/just do in general.
1. I hate all of their papers so much that I will simply burn them all...bye bye bad grammar.
2. If burning isn't a success, I will throw the papers into a food processor and watch the atrocities get ripped to shreds. Much like my heart is ripped to shreds when I read awful essays.
3. When a student is being especially disrespectful, I'll whip out my Harry Potter wand and yell, "Crucio!"
4. Lock them in a cage while I take a nap. And I might accidentally lose the key. Oops.
5. Throw them into the ocean with millstones tied around their necks; they could make friends with Aeriel and Flipper. Maybe even Shamu if they're lucky.
6. Fly across my desk and assail the one student who makes me curse the day I was born. By the time my flying episode has ceased, the student will be in a full body cast and will be forced to be tutored from home. How unfortunate.
7. Scream expletives at the top of my teacher-y lungs, thus scaring them into submission.
Now, if I were to do just one of those heinous, but oh so pleasurable, acts, my chances of ever teaching again would be slim since I'd be kickin' it in the cell block. But who hasn't fantasized about taking vengeance on those who make us want to temporarily contemplate suicide? Again, I'm being hyperbolic, so hopefully I haven't offended anyone too much yet. But hyperboles, or exaggerations, transform the mundane into a state of laughter that make everyday life much easier. If I truly do have a terrible day at school, why not throw a few ridiculous "if, then" statements out there to numb the pain?
While these hyperboles are not a likely reality, it's fun to dream, to imagine, to exaggerate. Because after the dreaming, imagining, and exaggerating come to a stop sign, then we can realize that the mundane, everyday life that requires us to travel to work, aiming to love the ones who crap all over our day, is more meaningful than any dream-like hyperbole could ever be.
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